The Common Tudor Farmer's Christmas (and Doctor Seuss).

Not all Tudor poems were shot through with classical allusions. Thomas Tusser did study his Latin as a “singing-boy in the Collegiate Chapel of the Castle of Wallingford, in Berkshire”¹ during the late 1530s. Much against today's popular image of chapel boys as having been kidnapped from their homes and kept in dormitories to sing (and whatever else) for their bread, Tusser's father sent him, like those lucky few who found themselves in the position to do so, for the free education and introduction to high society.

The reputation of the schools of the time for excess of corporal punishment was, on the other hand, deserved. The young man throve, in spite of the offense he felt at such treatment, going from Wallingford to the choir of St. Paul's Cathedral, to Eton and on to Cambridge. He left university early and “and joined the Court as a retainer of William, Lord Paget”².

At the end of this period, either from disgust at the vices of the Court, or finding, to use his own words, " the Court began to frown," he retired into the country, married, and settled down as a farmer at Cattiwade," a hamlet in the parish of Brantham, in Suffolk, and on the borders of Essex, where he composed his " Hundredth Good Pointes of Husbandrie," the first edition of which appeared in 1557.³

The following is the 1557 version of the month of December:

fr. Thomas Tusser's A hundreth good poyntes of husbandry (1557).

December

36. Abroade for the raine, when thou canst do no good

then go let thy flayles, as the threshers were wood.

Beware they threshe clean, though the lesser yarne [earn]:

and if thou wilt thriue, loke thy selfe to thy barne.

37. If barne room will serve,⁴ lay thy stoover⁵ up drye

and each kinde of strawe, by itselfe let it lie.

Thy chaffe, housed sweete, kept from pullein⁶ and dust:

shall serue well thy horses, when labour they must.

38. When pasture is gone, and the fieldes mire and weate [wet]:

then stable thy plough horse, and there give them meate.

The better thou use them, in place where they stande:

more strength shall they have, for to breake up thy lande.

39. Give cattle their fodder, the plot drie and warme:

and count them, for miring or other like harme.

Trust never to boyes, if thou trust well to speed:

be served with those, that may helpe at a need.

40. Serve first out thy rye strawe, then wheate & then pease,

then oat strawe then barley, then hay if you please.

But serve them with haye, while thy straw stoover last,

they love no more strawe, they had rather to fast.

41 . Keep never such servantes, as doth thee no good,

for making thy hair, growing thorrough thy hood.

For nestling of varlets, of brothels and whores:

make many a rich man, to shut up his doores.

42. Get Ivy and holl[y], woman deck up thyne house:

and take this same brawne, for to seeth and to sauce.

Provide us good cheer, for thou knowst the old guise:

olde customes, that good be, let no man dispise.

43. At Christmas be merry, and thanke god of all:

and feast thy pore neighbours, the great with the small.

yea all the year long, have an eye to the poore:

and god shall sende luck, to keep open thy doore.

44. Good fruite and good plenty, doth well in thy loft:

then lay for an orcharde, and cherishe it oft.

The profit is mickle,⁷ the pleasure is mutch;

at pleasure with profit, few wise men will grutch.⁸

45. For plantes and for stockes, lay afore hand⁹ to cast:

but set or remoue them, while twelve tide doe last.

Set one from another, full twenty foot square:

the better and greater, they yearly will bare.

The Hundredth poyntes was so popular that it was greatly expanded and released as Five hundred pointes of good husbandry in 1573. The months of the Five hundred pointes are much too long to quote in full here. For present purposes, two excerpts on transplating orchard trees, rewritten from 1557, will have to do. They are followed by brief commentary from the 1744 reprint edition.

13. Good fruit and good plentie doth well in the loft,

then make thee an orchard and cherish it oft :

For plant or for stock laie aforehand to cast,

but set or remoove it ere Christmas be past.

About Christmas, that is when the Sun is in the Winter Solstice, the Sap is thickest; and consequently the Tree is less sensible of its Remove [less sensitive to being removed], being, as it were, asleep.

14. Set one fro other full fortie foote wide,

to stand as he stood is a part of his pride.

More faier, more woorthie, of cost to remoove,

more steadie ye set it, more likely to proove¹⁰.

Some set between every Apple-tree a Cherry-tree, which at twelve Years Growth is cut down, and by that time the Apple-trees are come to their due Spreading. It is very material upon transplanting, to plant exacty in the fame Situation, in respect to East, West, North and South, as it stood before, especially when the trees have attained to any Grandeur [size].

It may be of interest to notice that the stanzas are all written in rough anapestic tetrameter couplets — the preferred verse form of Doctor Seuss.

1 Payne and Herrtage. Fiue Hundred Pointes Of Good Husbandrie. By Thomas Tusser (1878). xii.

2Ibid. xiii.

3Ibid. xiv.

4If there is room enough in the barn

5stoover] winter food for cattle,

6pullein] poultry, fowls.

7mickle] great

8grutch] grouch, complain

9 afore hand] before hand

10Proove] pass the test, survive

Also at Virtual Grub Street:

A Brief History of Hever Castle with Virtual Walk-Through Tour Link. December 11, 2022. “Europe has been ransacked. Italy, France, Germany have had to yield up treasures, in the way of furniture,...”

Richard Roose: Talk About the Wrong Place at the Wrong Time. November 12, 2022. “Poor Roose, having walked into the kitchen at a moment that would sweep his life away.”

Livin’ Real at Windsor Castle with Queen Elizabeth. June 4, 2022. “Being fans of the Queen and the times, we watch television miniseries and movies draped with intrigue, lust and tapestries.”

Queen Elizabeth’s Jealousy could be frightening to mere mortals. February 6, 2022. “I adventured to say, as far as discretion did go, in defence of our friende; and did urge muche in behalfe of youthe and enticinge love,…”

What Color Were Shakespeare’s Potatoes? July 27, 2019. “By the year 1599-1600, when Shakespeare’s play would seem to have been written, the potato was available in London.  It was considered a delectable treat and an aphrodisiac.”

Check out the English Renaissance Article Index for many more articles and reviews about this fascinating time and about the Shakespeare Authorship Question.

Check out the Queen Elizabeth I Biography Page for many other articles.