Saturday, December 17, 2022

Philip Stubbes on the Christmas Lord of Misrule (1583).

Often our best descriptions of rituals and traditions from earlier times come from Christian writers who write to describe pagan practices to which they object. Clement of Alexandria, for example, gives us our finest description of the practice of the Greek mysteries at the beginning of the Christian Era.

In his The Anatomie of Abuses (1583.) the Puritan Philip Stubbes is a source of our more particular information on Pagan holdovers in the Catholic celebrations of the Christmas season that were handed along to the Anglican celebrations. Also of more timeless customs like playing at cards, gambling with dice, bowling, playing tennis, etc. These pastimes were against the law for common folk during most of the 16th century.... except during the Christmas holidays.

The one bit of translation necessary in order to appreciate these texts, however, is to turn the tone of disapproval into one of celebration and joy.

As for cards, dice, tables, bowls, tennisse, and such like, they are furta officiosa, a certain kind of smooth, deceiptfull, and sleightie theft, wherby many a one is spoiled of all that ever he hath, sometimes of his life withal, yea, of body and soul for ever. And yet (more is the pitie) these be the onely exercyses used in every man's howse, all the yeer through; But specially in Christmas tyme, there is nothing else used but cards, dice, tables, masking, mumming, bowling, & such like fooleries. And the reason is, they think they have a commission and prerogative that time to do what they lust, and to follow what vanitie they will.

Tellingly, what were not only lawful but encouraged during sabaths and festive times throughout the year were archery competitions. The English armies depended heavily on the use of the long bow and the law was intended to keep up the stock and quality of archers.

More in the line of Pagan practice was the Lord of Misrule selected each year to preside over the houses of the king and nobles and the environs of many colleges and even church parishes during the days of Christmas.The tradition was so popular that we will be reading further accounts in the weeks ahead. All will be far more festive and approving than Stubbes's but not necessarily more detailed.

First, all the wild heads of the parishe, conventing together, choose them a grand Capitaine (of mischief) whom they ennoble with the title of my Lord of Misrule, and hym they crown with great solemnitie, and adopt for their kyng. This kyng anoynted, chooseth for the twentie, fourtie, three score, or a hundred lustie guts like to hymself, to waite uppon his lordly majestie, and to guarde his noble person. Then every one of these his men he investeth with his liveries, of greene, yellowe, or some other light wanton colour. And as though that were not (baudie) gaudy enough I should say, they bedecke themselves with scarves, ribons, and laces, hanged all over with golde rynges, precious stones, and other jewelles: this done, they tye about either legge twentie or fourtie belles with rich handekercheefes, in their handes, and sometymes laied acrosse over their shoulders and neckes, borrowed for the moste parte of their pretie 

Mopsies and loving Bessies for bussyng them in the dark. Thus thinges set in order, they have their Hobbie horses, Dragons, and other antiques, together with their baudie Pipers, and thunderyng Drummers, to strike up the Deville’s Daunce [Morris dance] withall, then marche these Heathen companie towardes the Church and Churche yarde, their Pipers pipyng, Drummers thunderyng, their stumppes dauncyng, their Belles jinglyng, their handkerchiefs swyngyng about their heades like madmen, their Hobbie horses, and other Monsters skirmishing amongest the throng: and in this sorte they goe to the Churche (though the Minister bee at Praier or Preachyng), dauncyng and swingyng their handkercheefes over their heades, in the Churche, like Devilles incarnate, with suche a confused noise, that no man can heare his owne voice. Then the foolishe people, they looke, they stare, they laugh, they fleer, and mount upon formes and pews, to see these goodly pageauntes, solemnized in this sort. Then after this, aboute the Churche they goe againe and againe, and so forthe into the Churche yarde, where they have commonly their summer halls, their Bowers, Arbours, and Banquettyng Houses set up, wherein they feaste, banquet, and daunce all that day, and (peradventure) all that night too. And thus these terrestrial furies spend their Sabbath day.

Then for the further ennobling of this honorable Lurdane (Lorde I should saye) they have also certaine papers, wherein is paynted some babblerie or other, of Imagery worke, and these they call my Lord of Misrule's badges, these they give to every one, that will give money for them to maintaine them in this their Heathenrie, Divelrie, Whoredome, Drunkennesse, Pride, and what not. And who will not shewe himselfe buxome to them, and give them money for these the Deville’s Cognizaunces, they shall be mocked, and flouted at shamefully. And so sotted are some that they not onely give them money, to maintaine their abhomination withall, but also weare their Badges and Cognizances in their Hattes, or Cappes, openly.

Another sorte of fantasticall fooles bring to these Helhoundes (the Lord of Misrule and his accomplices) some Bread, some good Ale, some newe Cheese, some olde Cheese, some Custardes, some Cakes, some Flans, some Tartes, some Creame, some Meate, some one thing, some another: but if they knewe that as often as they bring any to the maintenaunce of these execrable pastymes, they offer sacrifice to the Devill and Satan, they would repent, and withdrawe their handes, whiche God graunt they may.”

And with that! Merry Christmas to all!


Also at Virtual Grub Street:


  • A Brief History of Hever Castle with Virtual Walk-Through Tour Link. December 11, 2022. “Europe has been ransacked. Italy, France, Germany have had to yield up treasures, in the way of furniture,...”
  • Richard Roose: Talk About the Wrong Place at the Wrong Time. November 12, 2022. “Poor Roose, having walked into the kitchen at a moment that would sweep his life away.”
  • Livin’ Real at Windsor Castle with Queen Elizabeth. June 4, 2022. “Being fans of the Queen and the times, we watch television miniseries and movies draped with intrigue, lust and tapestries.”
  • Queen Elizabeth’s Jealousy could be frightening to mere mortals. February 6, 2022. “I adventured to say, as far as discretion did go, in defence of our friende; and did urge muche in behalfe of youthe and enticinge love,…”
  • What Color Were Shakespeare’s Potatoes? July 27, 2019. “By the year 1599-1600, when Shakespeare’s play would seem to have been written, the potato was available in London.  It was considered a delectable treat and an aphrodisiac.”
  • Check out the English Renaissance Article Index for many more articles and reviews about this fascinating time and about the Shakespeare Authorship Question.
  • Check out the Queen Elizabeth I Biography Page for many other articles.
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